[D]estiny[F]aith

2008-07-31T12:38:00.002+08:00

it's not the first time

you're faced with lies

everything rhyme

with good byes

cry your heart out

with everything you've got

who's to pout

in the presence of lie pot

the night is still young
the light is still shinning
though everything is wrong
let's all not stop hoping

that is such a lie
in which i spoke
how can i not say die
in the presence of this deadly hoax

i wanna write
about what i think and feel
in a poetic manner
but apparently
it will never be the case
not when i'm dead tired

2008-07-29T14:37:00.001+08:00

i hate you

2008-07-27T23:32:00.003+08:00

brenda said i'm getting fatter
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
zee's going on diet

i will stop being a low esteem personal
i will be back to my own self
where i am before
i dont want to rely on people
who only care to talk to you
because their other half is talking to them
i am not your, anyof your, spare tires.
so much for telling me ABCs
when you all cant even write them down,

2008-07-25T15:51:00.001+08:00

7 days gone
waivered twice
wednesday thursday
brokedown once
today
am i going to keep going
how long more can i last
push on girl

2008-07-23T00:28:00.001+08:00

SANDY BULLY ME!!!
4days and still on going
gogogogogo
i hope i can do it

2008-07-17T20:11:00.001+08:00

no mood
no one bothers
everyone stop replying
jia yan is just sleeping
everyone says busy
i think they just think that i'm crazy

2008-07-08T22:41:00.002+08:00

it has been written
to everything there is a season.
there was a time when you loved,
there came a time when you hated.
there was a time when you felt you wanted to kill,
now is the time for you to heal.
there was a time you were broken down,
now is the time to build yourself up.
there was a time when you were at war in your being,
now is the time to restore peace within

my time is here in august and in september.
i will believe

2008-06-30T15:20:00.002+08:00

old already!!!
it's like damn tiring for me
wonder why
haha
it's like just my usual work schedule?
and i'm dead at the end of saturday night
which is like WOW!
i totally just reach home at 3++
fell on the platform by the window in the living room
and slept there till like 10 am?
and i havent even showered
zZz
woke up to shower and slept again at 1?
hahaha
all the way till i woke up for dinner
haha
damn tired even after all the sleep
i can feel my body aching when i move
haha
i need to do more exercise!!!
hahaha
which means work more!!!
hahahaha

no matter what
i'll keep my promise
to what i say
i'll try atleast
to deliver my end
because i still believe
unfortunately

trust is fragile
belief is brittle
faith is low
i hope honesty will boost all 3 :)
because i still believe

2008-06-25T18:28:00.002+08:00

i feel so stupid
sitting at yishun mrt
crying while waiting for jade
it's not like you care
it's not like you'll bother
it's not like it's anything to you
i sat there
tears rolling down non stop
all because i gave you another chance
and you disappoint me
again and again
talk about following my schedule
talk about asking for another chance
it's just all talk to you is it not
why did i bother giving you this chance
knowing at the end that i'm still going to be disappointed
i dont usually tear in front of people
yet i did it in front of jade
all the till i met junli
even now i can still allow my tears to roll

ask yourself if you have any sincere friend

2008-06-22T15:45:00.002+08:00

stayed over at azimah's place on friday
before that went clubbing?
first time
not exactly a good experience
not exactly the worst either
haha
the music was fine
the size of the dance floor wasnt
anyway worked yesterday
jade was working
so fun
long time i havent been working with her
so good
anyway work was okay
hahaha
anyway i'm lazy to comment about other stuff already
i just came to update my blog a little
shall go clean my house
and scream at rasQ
coz she likes playing with the vaccum cleaner -.-
she had her shower!!!
smells so clean now.

2008-06-11T18:43:00.002+08:00

decided against going to work this morning
after the little bit of hu ha yesterday
spend time with cc better then flying to town for 2 hours
so i had matt replace me today
decided to find replacement and enjoy my day rather then sulking half my day away
went teppanyaki yesterday with cc
that was after my fyp in school
which i was late
coz i overslept
anyway
after teppanyaki
we went to get the tickets for kungfu panda
phew
i nearly typed hello panda -.-
anyway the teppanyaki guy was like bias against us
gave us freaking small portions
so ended up
we bought popcorns and nachos for the movie
it's been awhile since i last spend on a movie like this
haha
anyway
kungfu panda rocks!!!
seriously

yesterday's history
tomorrow's a mystery
and today's a gift
that's why it is called present

hahaha
i encourage all to go watch
hillarious

boing boing boing

you know i wanted to watch that show
i asked even before it was out
but guess who ended up asking me for the show
not you
gee why am i not surprised
yet i'm still hoping
i hate myself

2008-06-10T11:19:00.002+08:00

been working
am tired
working
sleeping
like a routine
oh well
i'm broke
i dont know why i even come here
thought i want to update
but now that i'm here
i dont know what to say

what am i to you
i can answer you immediately
you cant answer me the same
not answers but time
it's been 4 days
i know i'll not know the answer
you probably forgotten it by now
yet i keep on wishing you didnt

2008-06-02T15:01:00.002+08:00

i know no matter how many times i said this
i'm still stuck in this cycle
it's like never ending
everytime it happens
but it's alright
atleast i can make myself feel better for the time being

i decided to not care
since i care
nothing happens
i might as well not care
just walk away
look at the bright side
i'm no longer being dependent on people
or rather
i'll find someone else to dependent on
i can do it
i would do it
i'll make it

i'm deciding if i still wanna organize the steamboat
it's like i organize
so what?
i have to clean and organize
on my own
i just wanna go out
have fun
my week is kinda pack
which is good since i dont think i wanna think much
today is my only off day
tomorrow fyp then camp
wednesday work
thursday teppanyaki in the afternoon and celebration at night
friday work
saturday work
sunday would be my rest day
or should i have my steamboat that day
it's like i dont know

i feel bad
i havent been spending much time with rasQ
i'm sorry rasQ

2008-06-01T15:51:00.001+08:00

work was work
died
havent done closing before
full atleast
plus my mind was dead
couldnt help it
i guess
even my blogging sucks now
nevermind
when i'm better
i'll be back
tired

i think i'm stupid
dumb
impulsive
rash
idiotic

2008-05-28T21:56:00.002+08:00

when the boulder starts to fall
an avalanche starts
in all aspects
soil, snow

when a meteor falls
it falls together
and meteor shower hits

when one animal runs for safety
usually the herd follows
and stampede happens

hate it
hate them
hate all

once broken
you cant heal
when you broke more
you cant feel

2008-05-22T10:36:00.002+08:00

it sucks
being food poisoned?
it's like that since tuesday night
my stomach is having mood swings
from calm weather to thunderstorms
which sucks
and it's not only stomach
gives me a puking sensation as well
on top of the overexertion on my body
causing woozyness and shaky visual at times
bad right?
good thing and bad?
haiz
cant really it much solid food without some processes going on in me
haha

2008-05-18T11:44:00.002+08:00

i just want to get rid of this
before it stays in my system too long
causing me unexpected trouble

no matter what i do
i can never get into any one of your worlds
be it my entertainer or my best friend
is like i have no connection
i'm just an outcast?
discrimination runs along a certain group?
maybe
topics to talk about are limited
what kind of friendship is this?
do you people know what it feels like?
i know you people dont like me screaming
being damn hyper
fine i didnt
i try my best not do it
i put on a smile the entire time
yeah i had a little help
but i still tried
why is it i still have to be the one feeling moody at the end of the day
have you people ever try to be fair to me
being outcast is bad enough
you all dont have to push me to MY limits further

thanks for calling (:

2008-05-16T17:48:00.002+08:00

thursday
my day

princinple of digital media design
easy i guess
relatively easy supposedly, but it was okay only
faci was going around the bush for dont know what reason
easy became shitty?
could have been better but that's what is going to be like the next 10 more weeks
torture i guess?

guess my day then.
hahahhahah

i'm laming
anyway
had sound today
it was great
my favourite module
my favourite job
i'm loving it- mac slogan?
hahahah
i think i'm getting too hyper
hahahha
oh well
hungry anyway
getting fat too

2008-05-14T20:56:00.002+08:00

i feel like i just wasted my day away today
it was so true
i went out in the morning
thought about helping out in the school's open house
and guess what
went there
saw the booth
not interested
walk off
typical zoee reaction
decided to go jb with junli
so had breakfast with mj first
talked about quite a number of things
alan messaged to ask if i can work
turned him down coz i had plans in the evening
then i walk back to causeway
coz i had to go home get my passport
and guess what
it rained
so we were stuck at causeway point
it was okay
except for the fact that
we always go to causeway point coz it's the nearest thing to rp?
so there we were
stuck for 3 hours?
had lunch
play game
shopped around
then we went back to my place
why?
remember the plans i said i had in the evening?
it got CANCELLED
so i went home to sleep
and she went with me to do her handicraft?
yeah
i felt like i totally wasted my 14 may 08, wednesday away
which i actually did
not to mention
i think i've already spend 100++ in 3 days?
like what the hell right?

I MISS WORKING!!!
seriously i do
countdown to the days i'm working
3 :)

2008-05-11T21:15:00.002+08:00

hmmm
i dont know what to say about work yesterday
my fault
not my fault
i dont want to care
i had a great rest this morning
it rained and i love having the cozy feeling
i snuggled under my blanket
getting as cozy as i can for 2 hours before i officially moved out of bed
rasQ got cozy beside me as well
till she woke me up at 11
haha
i did my groccery shopping
cleaning up the rubbish
wash hang and fold the clothes
did quite a number of things today
but other then that
it's just a usually sunday
i think i'm starting a new hobby
if i can find what i want
anyway
school again tomorrow
having cme
weee
not
it's like enterprise lesson
oh well
12 more weeks to go (:

2008-05-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

the all american rejects
move long

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

the lights at the end of the tunnel
i will see you one day

2008-05-07T22:21:00.002+08:00

'you threw me away when you had new friends'
imaginary gary to timmy turner

i think i should just get to sleep soon

i'm not me
i dont know who am i
i wonder who am i
i want to know who am i
let me know if you know
atleast i can finally find out
and piece myself back together
i am who i am
i will be who i want to be
and i will know who i am

2008-05-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

i dont know what am i feeling
like i'm numb all over
i cant even think straight
much less multi task
usually i can do rj and watch tv at the same time
maybe include chatting too
but i can barely do that just now
instead my entire rj got wiped out
and i had to redo again
even when i got a reply that i should have been happy for
i didnt even feel anything
a nap didnt help either
i cried on my way home
in school i hold back tears
i had thumbnails and perseptive drawings to distract me
maybe i should have just gone timbre
might have been better
wiping out everything that i need to

i want to learn to be independent
i will be dependent on someone else
i will learn to walk away
or die trying all this

entertainer
where are you!!!

2008-05-05T14:45:00.002+08:00

i'm bored in class
i've been bored in class the whole day
aww man
bored!!!
i wanna sleep
i wanna pon
NONONONO
ZOEE CANNOT PON ANYMORE!!!
crap la
i shouldnt be that naughty
zZz
anyway
went out with the gang yesterday
there was fiona cs brenda justine jy and me
i was the latest
2 hours late
hahahha
my first time
lol
anyway
had new york new york yesterday
went arcade after that since pool was full
kinda
left around 430 to fetch minjia from work
i tell you
all i did yesterday was eat and eat and eat
i'm oh so getting fat
crap la
anyway
I'M BORED NOW!!!
i feel like sleeping but i got ut later
CRAP LA!!!

2008-05-04T00:57:00.002+08:00

okay
both my hands are peeling
my right hand started peeling when i showered just now
but the way the peeling is
it's like weird?
nevermind
cant stop the peeling process anyway
anyway
did opening
was fun
kinda
haha
shouldnt comment on that
time flew today
which is good
coz when you dont notice time fly
your body wont feel the fatigue
your mind doesnt feel the weight
and life goes on happily
LOL
i crap la
anyway night i did wait
finally?
hahaha
surprisingly this weekend i didnt do till 2
omg
why why why???
must be mj's influence
lol
not doing next friday either
anyway i'm meeting the gang tomorrow
for lunch and pool
somehow i got a feeling i'll be late
i promise rasQ to bring her out to the fields to run
but i dont know what time i'll be up tomorrow
LOL
rasQ is so cute when she is cleaning her paws
she's like cleaning and moving through her cleaning process
from point A to point B to point C
hahaha
anyway i feel like sleeping soon
my nose is like...
haha
usual usual for me
oh anyway i scratch myself at work today
it's like bound to leave a mark
which sucks considering i have already many scars
nevermind
just add one more then

2008-05-03T01:09:00.002+08:00

back again
ut was crappy
that's all i got to say
hmmm
lot's of stuff going through my head
not bad stuff or anything
just general things
pros and cons type
but i'm kinda tired already
hmmm
maybe i'll type it how when i'm not so tired?
and when i know how i wanna have it out
zee's style
haha
off to bed
nightie nightie

2008-05-02T01:57:00.002+08:00

heyall
zoee's back
from working
hahaha
let's recall what happened these past two days
clubbing got cancelled yesterday
so i ended up going home to shower and walk rasQ before going out again
met michelle at yishun instead for teppanyaki
after that we walked around small little north point
and yeah
haha
anyway
worked full today
that would explain why i'm still up at this hour blogging
haha
i just got back 30 minutes ago
had my shower already
but decided to boot up my little old com to fix my psp games
hahaha
i'm getting more and more games
half of which i dont even play
and so far
i've only finished one game
guess which
CRISIS CORE!!!
haha
night
off to bed now

2008-04-29T20:04:00.002+08:00

hmmm
i decided to revive my friendster after so long
then think about it why did i even bother to work this week?
maybe i should have just bought a ticket back to kL
then maybe skip school on friday
then i could stay for the weekends too
then leave on sunday night
back monday morning
then go school?
not a bad plan
but too bad i didnt thought of that earlier
so i'm working this weekends instead
and guess what mother's day is on sunday if i'm not wrong
dont like
but nevermind
rasQ is bored as usual
i had my first ut today
didnt really do that good
oh well
what's done is done
i found mum's handwritting in a note book i brought to school
didnt know it was there
and i nearly cried after ut in class

2008-04-28T22:17:00.002+08:00

cooked today
my cooking skills are getting rusty man
seriously
hahaha
anyway
i burned the potatoes and onions for my stew
my spinach was undercooked
i forgot sugar in salad
the best is that i didnt know i was out of rice
and i mixed glutinous rice with normal rice by accident
overall i cook too much or too little for everything
hahahha
totally forgot about the appetite of people
lol
anyway
i spend quite some time with rasQ today
nope she's happy
coz next few days i'm busy and packed
rasQ dont kill me yeah (:

2008-04-27T11:10:00.002+08:00

hmmm
why is it everyone keeps on asking if i'm alright?
and when i said yeah
they just say you dont seem right
hahaha
oh well
anyway work and work again
as usual for me
jade popped by yesterday during my break
she went with me to get dinner
and also waited for me to finish mine before heading off
i'm so gonna see her at work next week
i miss my entertainer
haha
anyway
as usual
i complained and complained during work yesterday
zoee's usual usual
haha
rasQ didnt feel well yesterday
coz i came home the house was a mess
she puked
poor girl
i hope she's feeling better now

2008-04-26T10:21:00.002+08:00

woohoo
what a day
i got home yesterday at 240
and i ended work at 2
haha
cool right???
fi gave me a ride on his bike
so fun yet scary
my first time riding bike
i told him
so he ride slower
hahahah
anyway finally after so long with out new games
i just finish downloading 3
hahahha
back to childhood to me man
i downloaded megaman
hahaha
dont say me hor
yesterday at work
there was this guy playing ds
and guess what was he playing?
POKEMON!!!
hahahhaha
ooo
look at the time
i gotta go shower
see ya

2008-04-25T11:11:00.002+08:00

heyall
what do you think of my new blog skin?
nice?
hahaha
i think it's a new change in taste
perhaps a new beginning of life?
hahahah
anyway give me your comments and opinions yeah
hahahah
oh and
does anyone have jonas brothers' songs?
gimme gimme gimme
hahahahah

2008-04-21T20:35:00.002+08:00

i wanted to blog long ago
everytime i come here
i typed
i decided to erase it instead
no point publishing what is already known by word of mouth
no point saying things that people already know
no point letting people know about things that they already know
no point letting people know that you people only know of yourselves
working tomorrow
having sit lesson tomorrow
let's get craking

words are nothing but words alone to you and you but then again i'm not you or you

2008-04-17T19:57:00.002+08:00

i spend all my days here the same way,
chilling out, relaxed and unconcerned.
there are so many things to do
a lot of them impossible for me.
it's totally overwhelming,
but i'm always ready to do what i can
because everyone here has a smile on their face.
i may not say it very often,
but i really am grateful for my family and friends.
the time we spend together is so special,
i could never replace any of them.
we've got this moment, we got each other,
stopping, standing and laughing together.
i'm so thankful, i could cry.
this feeling is so wonderful,
it makes today seem like a wild dream.
i promise you, i'll never forget it, my precious ones,
who laugh with me, support me,
and keep me going.
this feeling is so wonderful,
it makes today seem like a wild dream.
i promise you, i'll never forget it, my precious ones,
who laugh with me, support me,
and keep me going.

kansha
by RSP

i'm leaving everything behind to start all over again

2008-04-17T15:58:00.002+08:00

everything i do seems wrong
even when i'm not arguing
i'm wrong
everything gets thrown back to me
even if i dont want to
everything seems to be my fault
i just wanna cry
seriously i do

since no one wants to care
i wont
no point caring if you're the only one caring
what's the point saving if no one wants to save it

i'm not a perfect friend
i know that
but i'm trying to be there for people if i can

2008-04-16T14:32:00.002+08:00

hmmm
every tuesday lesson is always interesting
not because of class
but because every week
i get to catch something interesting
this week would be

when you dwell too much
we fall in love
when you fall in love too deep
you cant break up

haha
every week cavvy always tell's something nice
hahahaha
anyway went to work yesterday
started at 6
and i'm spending the whole day at home today

hmm
do you think i changed a lot?
fiona says since when i flower eat
hahaha

2008-04-15T11:42:00.002+08:00

hmmm
i think it's time
no matter how you wanna go on continue living
there are people bound to pull you back
throw you back into the shitty life you wanna get out off
starting fire around the peaceful trees that surround you
trapping you inside
when all you've been trying to do is get out

i think it's time
i dont want to go out and make my point
it makes no sense
and of no use to me
to you, you might think you won
tearing me down
stomping me to the ground
but you're only fighting with yourself in this game
coz i'm not interested to begin with

i think it's time
what is the prize that you want at the end?
when i'm dead?
when i come after you?
when i couldnt be bothered anymore?
when you torture me till you cant anymore?

i think it's time
it's time

2008-04-13T13:28:00.002+08:00

i dont even know why i came to blogger
i wanted to write in riddles
but i'm not even concentrating now
maybe coz i'm watching tv
anyway rasQ wants me to play with her
but i'm really not in the mood
guess i'll just bring her out later
going to bring her to the field behind to run
then shower her
i've been working non stop in 2 days
kinda died at work yesterday
time was crawling
my entertainer wasnt working
nothing was entertainment at work
so yeah
end of story

have you ever have the feeling
of swimming in your pond
just to have everywhere you turn
a fishing line
with a big shiny hook

2008-04-10T08:48:00.002+08:00

making an ASSUME
making an ASS out of U and ME
isnt that the sad case
readers should know that my blog has never been direct
so why do poeple still assume?
and making an ASS out of U and ME
things are getting out of hand because of assumption
things are getting out of hand when people who shouldnt know KNOWs
and i'm the one who gets all the shit at the hand
this sucks
big time

2008-04-04T22:00:00.002+08:00

quote that min jia thinks i should write it down
when you get to obsess in what you have,
you become someone that is different
when you lose that someone,
it turns out you'll lose the one true thing people like about you

when two lives inter-twined,
it doesnt mean two becomes one
rather
it means that two lives crossed path

when you become too dependent on one
you'll lose your own independence
and what you become
is a pathetic excuse to call yourself who you are

i rather die as myself right now
knowing who i am
then to die as someone that looks like you
but is not you

some other things i wanna mentioned
when friends become close
they become best friends
when one get into a relationship
and doesnt have time for the other
it is only natural when the other drifts away
because what good is having a best friend
when there is no time for one another
so
you know who you are
dont go around telling people i'm not happy coz of some other cockamania reason that you think and still have the guts of telling people out there
and i dare you to think twice again on why we are not even on talking terms anymore

trip of japan
some other time

2008-03-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

it's one week till i fly
somehow i dont really have much of a feeling
i mean i've worked hard for this
but somehow
now i dont even have this i've achieved it kinda feeling
wonder why
maybe my dad was right
maybe we should have just set it as a graduation trip
oh well
what's done is done
anyway many things happened the past few days
which i dont see the need of commenting
but to say that some of which would be in my memory
i've been working like crazy the past 2 days as well
work full from morning to the wee hours
i can die at work
seriously

2008-03-09T21:49:00.002+08:00

i figure that i didnt wanna update my blog
coa i wanted people to read
coz i wanted to speak up
say my mind
and protect the people that are being victimized
but i dont think anything is any good
i dont know if i wanna just leave it there
or talk about something out
but i dont feel like blogging already
but know one thing
disturbed i am

2008-02-27T01:44:00.002+08:00

i've had it with all this
i've been taking in what i can
i've been trying to get what i can
but i guess since i dont really agree with you lot of people
i dont get any juice?
well think again
this is what i think
read it and repent
everyone is freaking wrong but you people?
who the freaking hell do you think you people are?
just cause people know people doesnt mean people can force their answer, thinking on people.
and whoever doesnt go with one of you,
the whole lot of you have to go against that one?
are you guys brainless that cant think on your own?
condemn me all you want
but i have had it with you people condemning people i care about
who are you to do that?
do you know anyone of them well enough to do this?
no one disses her but me
no one of you have the bloody freaking right to do any of that
just coz you people have a group is big enough that i cant handle?
so what if you have
you think quantity provides quality?
you all think you know what friendship is
you all think you know what love is?
yeah it's different from people to people.
but what gives you the right to decide for others.
all you know is badmouthing people
all you people know is to go with majority
and so what if you people are the majority
you people spread all this negative vibes like wild fire
gossip around what that is not
bloody hell
just coz someone doesnt like someone
you people have to all agree that the person must be the culprit
or that the person should not come
i should have brought the person
i should have made you people regret your words
choke on them as you people eat your food
because at the end the only one who minds that person were you people
say you're doing this coz of 2 reasons?
well think again
you didnt even bloody reply to one of them bloody reasons you mentioned
all you people know is to create distance in people
give people the wrong impression
make unnecessary issues
bring hurt to people
comdemn people without knowing them
well then
condemn me as well because i couldnt be bothered with you people
i still carry the neoprint in my wallet
but i guess it's just and will only be a memory of the past

2008-02-21T22:16:00.002+08:00

i was blog hopping
and i chance upon weeling's blog
and this was in one of her entries
which i find it very true i guess
i wish

ever wished you could turn back time?
go back to the time where you were so happy
and that there is nth in the world
that you would change with for that happiness
where the little things makes u grin the whole day..
where you are really smiling from your heart..

2008-02-20T11:16:00.002+08:00

life is about trial and error
maybe experimenting
perhaps we ourselves as human beings are born hypocrites
every single one of us
we go around saying
we dont gamble, drink or smoke
saying no to drugs either
yet we gamble in our decisions of life
taking risk that are sometimes beyond us
we drink away every detail that distress us
smoking away every problem that we face
and at the end of the day
addicted to the drugs of every emotion
tell me the logic in that

i'll give it one more try
and hope for the better

2008-02-14T11:21:00.002+08:00

life hasnt changed when i am back
if life hasnt changed
then i shall be the one who shall
all i need
i have
just whether i want to do it

2008-02-12T15:58:00.000+08:00

a layer of dust lies on my floor
as i first walk in
it feels like i first step into my new place
new room
new floor
rasQ sniffs the place out
asthough she knew not this place
i like the sensation
no matter how much i had stayed here
just stepping in
and feel that unused feeling on my sole
it feels good
though i sit on my bean bag
feeling the dirt that was collected from the past 1 week
i dont mind it at all
feeling my laptop for the first time in 1 week
i like it
it's like a whole new world
in just 10 days
i hope it stays that way
children are cheering outside
under the hot 4pm sun
having fun
it's like a whole new place
it's great to have gone home and back
i feel like i'm starting life anew
though it's the same old worlk that i'm living in

2008-02-03T04:00:00.000+08:00

to whoever it maybe for
i doubt you'll come here
but if you do
good for me
if others do
and you know who am i talking to
tell that person
because i'm hurt so much
i couldnt even care about whether i'm doing right or wrong
i decided
i'm not bringing my laptop
i refuse to bring my laptop
i rather cut of all my connections here
i rather leave my troubles here
and have a peaceful chinese new year
with people that actually cares for me
even jade can tell me to message her before i leave
what about you
you have something to tell me only after i message?
it really shows where was i standing
you can make me send you off at 6am in the morning
when i'm all the way up at woodlands
but nothing from you when i'm going?
maybe there was care and concern in both people
but i'm sorry i feel nothing from you
i rather message jade
i wish i wasnt there in town this afternoon
i shouldnt have even bothered to come down
i should have just stay at home and spend my time with rasQ
then to smile nothing to the world
i've decided
i will harden myself
i will prevent me from getting hurt again and again
and i will succeed
because i will have time to forget

i will miss rasQ
so very much

2008-02-01T14:37:00.000+08:00

i guess it's true what people say about time
time tears people arpart
argument is the same old same old again
it's tiring
i dont feel like working tomorrow
i dont feel like seeing you tomorrow
yet now i have people having no time for me
jia yan, minjia
they are all the same
everything else is more important
or easily replaces what we once have
10 days is not long
yet it's not that short
but no one even bothered with me
writing this makes me cry
but it's not worth it for any of them
it's not like anyone would even know i'm gone from town
i wish i'm gone and never back
coz if it doesnt make a difference
then what's the point of being existence
i wish time stickes at march 07 and never moved

2008-01-25T16:44:00.000+08:00

guess i havent been blogging for quite sometime now
was kinda busy with my pp
i just send it in to my mentor today
hope it goes well because coming up next after i blog would be fyp
oh man
my life is so packed now
after fyp gets settled
i need to rush back to my pp
poster time
waiting for my mentor to say okay
chinese new year is coming soon
and this time
i get to celebrate it the way i love
with my granny
thinking of all the food she will cook makes me drool
haha
i'm such a pig
anyway you guys cant blame me
her cooking is fabulous
try it then you'll know
haha

anyway
i just realised another 6 months has passed since the last time
i know that not all of you would come here to read
but for those who do
maybe you'll want to tell the rest?
for those from 24h
i knew you guys for about 1 year now
you guys are a bunch of
erm
fun people
totally
maybe the best time of my life were with you guys
yeah though we may have issues here and there
some more constant then others
i guess you know what i'll mean
it was still fun with you guys
time will continue to past
hope nothing changes for the worst for us all
there are things in your lifes that might be more important then the usual group of us now
i hope nothing changes for the worst
and remember the times we had

2008-01-21T10:10:00.001+08:00

i'm in class
so?
i off my phone
so?
i wanna cry
so?
it's zoee only
so?
ask her to die

for everything that i do
for everything i dont
for everywhere i go
for everywhere i wont

people talk
people comment
just like people walk
it's me they torment

all this words of nothing
why say when you dont mean
your sorry is just a passing wind
through the valley of broken promises

2008-01-20T19:30:00.000+08:00

i seem to have a knack for starting the year with tears
i hate it
it's suppose to be the start of all things new
so why am i starting them all with tears
this is crap
i freaking hate it

2008-01-17T21:30:00.000+08:00

zee is back to blog
that low jia yan is like sleeping right now
like a pig
rasQ found somewhere to sleep
haha
anyway i'm getting sick
heaty
haha
actually i dont know why am i here blogging
i'm like distracted by my tv
my health and my phone
haha
and my nose?
haha
oh well
rest first

2008-01-15T16:49:00.000+08:00

i was early to school yesterday
for nuts i guess
it was damn smokey
but heck that
what's done is done
couldnt be bothered anymore
meet jia yan and fiona at the agora
then we headed down to town to the get together
to celebrate fiona and justine's big 19
haha
had breeks and swensen's
after that we basically just walked to heeren
cineleisure
then back to orchard mrt
on the way back
brenda and jia yan started playing with bubbles
haha
they bubbled up the entire street
lol
stopped at taka to finish up most of the solution
for once i went home the last with them
haha
anyway
hope you guys had a good time
i did
woke up today feeling to lazy to go school
slept at home instead
and get ignored
whatever

2008-01-11T16:07:00.001+08:00

my first time working in one week
and wow
i'm tired
i woke up today and feel ouch
haha
my arms and legs are sore
and this is like only one day working
haha
lao le
LOL
anyway
yesterday i was suppose to go swimming with jia yan in the morning
but she overslept
thank goodness for that
imagine if it isnt so
i dont think i'll even be able to crawl out of bed today
haha
anyway
so i went off straight from home
after having the extra 3 hours of sleep
anyway it was exhausting
work was fine i guess
considering the 1 week break
anyway i met dawn for the first time in a long time
she's like
wow
haha

we're meeting in 1 day
yay!!!

2008-01-11T16:07:00.000+08:00

class was class
lesson was lesson
i should have just skipped
i learned a new word
tomorrow is saturday
work
yay
work= distraction
good for me
i'm debating right now
swimming?
cycling?
or just go home and sleep

i smell smoke
but nevermind
it wont kill
i've decided
to step up in my class' performance
to be who i can be
and i need to cure myself from athazagoraphobia
if not i'm just gonna stay like this all the way.

2008-01-10T19:15:00.001+08:00

i think i've been off blogging for very long
haha
didnt have time yesterday
had to finalise the lodging yesterday
haha
anyway
had studio production
same old same old???
except that i was being ignored by everyone
oh well
after that went for dinner
then headed for joyce's place for discussion and research
went home around 11 after we got the stuff done
had arts management today
i got ignored by everyone
i wouldnt bother bout asking you all out anymore
same old same old?
oh well
it was raining today
couldnt do any exercise
and i've been eating like crazy
i'm so gonna grow fat
thank goodness my week is almost over
back to working and working out for me
haha
yeah yeah i know
i'm a workaholic

next monday we're going out guys!!!
see ya then
miss ya all
atleast you guys dont ignore and ps me like some people

2008-01-07T23:15:00.001+08:00

had stage tech today
did simple construction of stand and masking
had fun i guess
considering the fact that it's been a while since i last touch dnt
haha
anyway
after that i went home
gave a quick walk to rasQ
then went for a bike ride
went to causeway to meet su
she passed me chocos and biscuits i think
ahaha
snacks
anyway i roam near school before heading to the sports complex to meet jin yan and sean
accompanied them for dinner and walk to causeway before i head home
put back my bike
finish my rj then headed out again with rasQ to meet the rest for dinner
and here i am blogging
i'm sleepy already
but my hair is still wet
haha

going through some archives can really make a person cry
wait
it's not even archives
just previous post on the entries page you have
i guess i just missed reading your blog
plus now you dont even update anymore
i miss communication through blog too
it's like whatever happens
we'll still keep in touch and talk through blogging
oh well
times change
people change
priority change

2008-01-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

okay
this is something which i got from my favourite and current comic book
and i like this phrase
so tell me what you guys think of it
if negi is the sort of person i think he is, simply believing he is right,
isn't enough to make him move forward
am i this type of person???
is that why i ponder so much?
when i asked joyce is it wrong to think too much?
she only replied thinking unnessary stuff is redundant
hmm
school started off well i guess
haha
just that everything is lagging
the net
the thinking
the executing
oh well
it takes time to start up
haha
anyway
all i did in school was do work
talk about fyp
and pester people!!!
haha
oh yeah
we submitted our proposal already
haha
i think i'm high
mentally that is
rasQ's lying comfortably on top of the people on my lap
haha
guess it's time for bed
dont wanna hear people say i look tired anymore
night peepz!!!

2008-01-06T20:46:00.000+08:00

school starting tomorrow already
not sure if it's a good thing or bad?
good i guess
some people have been complaining that i worked too much
puching myself too much
so since school is starting
so is fyp
plus my dad's in town
so i guess i'll cut down on work a lot
maybe i'll pick week after next
i'm just surprised at the amount of hours i'll clock in next week
oh yeah
i got a number of complains at how emo my blog seems to be getting
plus i found out a number of unknown readers which i have
so happy
thanks people
haha
anyway
for once i ended work at 11 on saturday
for once coz i havent ended at 11 for donno how long
picked up my pay cheque on friday too
so now i'm closer to my goal
last month totally helped a lot
still wondering if i should push a little this month
anyway after work on saturday
me and joyceey headed for supper
and a long chat
i think
haha
i miss talking to my best friend!!!
haha
okay
hyper over
school starting
dinner after school
let's go peepz!!!

2008-01-03T11:36:00.001+08:00

i dont need this shit at the beginning of the year
this is like only the 3rd day
no
the whole crap was brought out from the last few days on 07
and it has to go on till now
my head has been pounding since yesterday
and it still is
i should have just work my ass off
this sucks
big time

2008-01-03T11:36:00.000+08:00

independent individualism- failed
friends- failed
friend- failed
just because i've been working a little too much
pushing myself off my own limits a little
i get dubbed as superwoman
does it not mean i can go off on my own then
i was sick yesterday
my dad didnt even know
i know myself very well
how much i can push
yet when i'm down
i still have to care about unnessary issues
the only one who was there protecting me as i rest
was rasQ
even when i woke up
she was there
even when i went to the toilet
she was there to make sure i manage to make it back
yet all she want is someone to play with her
maybe in the beginning
that is all i have asked for

dad wants to know about the trip
by this weekend
if i dont get anything by then
i dont think i'm going
i doubt you'll ever be here to see this
haha
i'm digging my own grave perhaps
but maybe by placing it here
i would learn a thing or two
i'm to egoistic to message

2008-01-02T01:39:00.000+08:00

scene to explain my thoughts on the traIn to work

you're on a high way
driving to your destination
driving from state to state
is your destination even on the map?
yeah you thought so
based on some map
you drive and you drive
when you suddenly feel lost
you just feel like crying
over the fact that you should have reach your destination hours ago
yet no one calls to check on you
no one tries to help you though they see you all lost
you just keep on going in circles
not knowing if you'll die because you're out of gas?
or maybe someone robs you during your time being lost?
or maybe you'll just die of heat stroke
yet you're trying to keep the faith
that you'll be safe and found
suddenly you see a sign
you thought you were safe
because you see cars
cars that are queing to pay toll
you thought
'wow, i must be reaching already'
but you forgot one thing
from state to state on a high way
there are many tolls
and after a while
you're back on the high way of nothing
but you and the unwanted silence

su says not to see only what's in front of you
but also the back
i'm blind at that
haha
i'm blind at that

2007-12-30T23:34:00.001+08:00

2007
1 more day to go
2008
it's time to grow

much has happened
want it or not
much was given
be it whoever's fault

time flies
it certainly doesnt stop
life is full of lies
and things pop

like it or not
there are good and bad
somethings rot
while others are glad

i cant write a poem now
i wonder why
nothing rhymes
with my words
anyway
i made my stand
i hope nothing else pops up
i hope my stand is true
because i'm tired

2007-12-25T10:38:00.000+08:00

dinner on sunday was great
especially after a full week of working
dont ask
coz you'll definitely say i'm crazy
anyway
thanks for coming people

it's christmas
and i dont think i should blog
something like this
but things happen
when things happen
i just wanna get everything out

the year is ending soon
most memorable time
march 07
not that it'll be back

time passes
memories will stay memories
because this is not about time
it's about what you choose
and the two who made me hold on
make me cry most
because it seems words
are nothing but words alone
i will
learn
to aceept
all your valueless words

2007-12-19T15:35:00.000+08:00

my life is full of webs
webs of lies
trapped in them all

2007-12-16T16:20:00.001+08:00

i handle so much disappointment
that nothing
surprises me
anymore

how true
how true
the words of my life

rasQ is all curled up

2007-12-16T16:20:00.000+08:00

easy
no phone
then dont contact me
dont want give me today
i should have just let your voucher gone to waste
make you spend the extra cash
i should have just done things my way
i doubt i wanna go for dinner with any of you now

2007-12-10T16:05:00.002+08:00

and i was right
those that should have been there
were not there
while others
who knows me not that well
tried to be there for me
i cried for me
i seriously did
i screwed my pp
cried for that
and also for me
cried myself to sleep
from woodlands to orchard

rasQ's ears are back up

2007-12-10T16:05:00.001+08:00

i guess in me
is still a kid
coz i still wish for someone
to accompany me
in this round
through my pp presentation
just like how i wished
for someone to be there
during my first day of work
but it didnt happen
neither would it happen now
i guess maybe it's time
to grow up

something is wrong with rasQ's ears
it's all down
so cute
makes her look like a puppy that i just got
with her ears down
she's not that hyper

2007-12-10T16:05:00.000+08:00

i'm getting a lot of weird stuff coming along
guess i'll update when everything is settled too
so far
knowing what's going on is only jy jane and nicole
i thought the 1 week would be good for thinking
then the other stuff started popping up

2007-12-07T15:30:00.000+08:00

question
does the problem lie with me
or
is everything just coincidental

2007-12-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

decision
cross junction
pms
or
just tired of keeping things inside
ideas differ conflicts arises

2007-12-06T02:30:00.000+08:00

2 days
as if nothing happened
you wanna play this game
so can i
thinking it's only my side
by asking you ok now
think again

2007-12-03T16:58:00.000+08:00

the worst thing to do
break the little faith
in which i just regained
and guess what
congratulations on succeeding

2007-12-03T13:09:00.000+08:00

question
do i look on the bad more?
or
am i easily satisifed?

2007-12-02T15:09:00.000+08:00

it's one after another
after another
i should be used to it by now
so why am i still feeling something from it
i should have just harden myself long ago
but i bear not
why
maybe i should now
now

2007-11-20T18:03:00.000+08:00

many things went through my mind as i walk home
my emotions were running all over the place
i decided to pen it down here
for i know it is a safe place from unwanted eyes
because this blog is nothing to anyone
only something to me
and that's enough for me
i can cry on my way home
for my thought were harsh, depressed, cruel, painful
though now i cannot go to that extend of the blog
all i can express now is the tears in which i hope to let loose now
For words are no longer what they use to be
view differ, life differ
sometimes i wonder
was it because of me
of what happened before
or because of you
nothing around me is important enough for you
i guess that's why they say dog is man's best friend
rasQ is always there for me
where are you?
when do you look for me?
when you want something?
need me for something?
couldnt handle something?
that is so typical of you
i said before
if i were to jump off a cliff today
or maybe got knock down by a car on my way home
you wouldnt even notice
why?
ask yourself and answered it yourself
you're gonna ask me to stop thinking negatively
you knwo what
i'll answer that
then stop giving me negative things to think about
the end
i so dont need to cry now
it's exhausting
and you're not worth it
su asked if i can bear to
well what do you think now su?
call me jealous or something
maybe this is what happened to you and her
new friends come and old are forgotten
i can tell you one thing
i dont forget about people i call friends
i only forget when they forget me

2007-11-11T19:07:00.000+08:00

hmm
i just woke up from my nap???
haha
work was...
no comments???
donno what to comment
dont wish to comment
went out for supper with xavier after work
coz i needed a change of environment
plus i was hungry
supper at hong kong cafe
after that watched bee movie
nice show
cute
funny
but i think the plot is a little short
oh well
i came home to sleep at 7++
took bus to yishun then cabbed home
slept till 1++
when i came home
something was wrong with rasQ's eyes
even till now
poor rasQ
hope she gets well soon
she looked like a pirate dog
haha
off to dinner

2007-11-09T01:55:00.000+08:00

i guess it's been a while since i last blogged...
just didnt have the motivation i guess...
even the last few post...
i was off...
you can see it from my style of writing...
oh well...
since i picked up from where i left...
from chicken soup for the teenage soul 2...
i've been meaning to blog...
i wonder why...
maybe it's just a topic...
anyway...
i like this phrase...
'we live in a time when it is hard to speak from the heart.
our lives are smothered by a thousand trivialities,
and the poetry of our spirit is silenced by the thoughts and cares of daily affairs.
the song that lives in our hearts,
the song that we have waited to share,
the song of being a man,
is silent.'
taken from chicken soup for the teenage soul2,
a father's wish by kent nerburn.
i guess how true is it...
i mean...
how often is it now that we said i love you to your parents...
how many times do we say i love you and truly meant it???
how many times do we hurt because we are burdened by things of life???
how many times have dreams been dashed by daily life???
and the list goes on and on...
too long to write everything down...
there is another which i wanted to share...
but it is a whole story of 4 pages...
too much for me to type...
so i'll just leave the title behind...
the player by kelly garnett...
for those who are interested...
you can ask the book from me...
the story is about 2 supposed best friends...
whom one took the other for granted...
never thinking of the worth of their friendship...
the other...
suffered from what the other did...

2007-10-30T11:49:00.001+08:00

the more i read the more i'm
i donno
doesnt make a difference
i'm deciding if i wanna even go to work tomorrow
sometimes i think about it
i just wanna cry
i just wanna let everything out
i just wanna forget about everything
i just wanna drop everything
but i cant
i'm a freaking good for nothing coward that is scared of every darn thing that might happen from my actions because of the dumb consequences that might follow from everything in which that i do which would not only affect others or anything surrounding me but also me thus because of these i dare not face any of these.
useless me
i wanna run
run away from everything
everyone
i damn hate being alone

2007-10-30T11:49:00.000+08:00

finally i'm able to enter blogger
i finally found some where to put my thoughts
anyway before i do that
i found a rabbit on sunday
and i nearly lost rasQ again
currently the rabbit is living in my room when i'm out
he gets to stay in the living room at night
i need to keep rasQ away from him
anyway
just to let my faithful readers know
if i have any
my life is screwed
i'm in a mess
i'm crapped
everything is screwed up
i guess i should be happy that i'm on holidays next week
i wanna work
work my ass off
work till i'm numb
work till i cant do any more damage
i'm thinking everyday
when i'm not working
i'll stay at home and accompany rasQ
i guess at the end of the day
my presence is only enough to accompany my rasQ

2007-10-22T10:33:00.000+08:00

i've negleting my blog quite a lot recently...
i dont seem to have the motivation to blog...
oh well...
it doesnt really matter...
my blog doesnt seem to have much visitors anyway...
i guess i could always turn it to a private blog...
or just close it down...
i'm tired...
i'm sleepy...
i couldnt be bothered with anything...
went for jun li's birthday celebration yesterday...
brought rasQ there...
her cookie was seriously after my rasQ...
rasQ didnt like...
she tries to bite cookie...
haha...
oh well...
i'm hungry...
but i'm sleepy...
i just wanna sleep...
and get this day over...
and done with...
i'm too tired to care about anything else...

2007-10-15T13:31:00.000+08:00

i donno what i can say to make things better.
i donno what i can do to make things better.
but to say i'm sorry
i truly am
my words hurt
and i know you're hurt
i played my cards too hard
asking for forgiveness isnt my forte
thus i cannot put my words into proper terms
but to ask for your forgiveness
to let me amend what i have done wrong
a chance for this bond to grow stronger
dont walk away from what we once hold dear
dont walk away now
not after what we went through
stay please
a chance to change who i am
a chance to make it better
i promise i will if i can gain back what i unknowingly gambled on
please

2007-10-04T14:43:00.000+08:00

friendship,
what binds them?
friends and relationship,
creating a beautiful gem.

the process is easy and simple,
a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
heart mind and body of nimble,
add some ingredients and wonders met.

all we need is a little trust,
add it with a little faith.
give or take, it's a must.
i know because i gave.

i guess the time is this,

when faith and trust is going none.

there are hits and miss,

but lets make confusions gone.

we need to build on it,
to lengthen and make it strong.
lets do it bit by bit,
we can make it long.

2007-09-30T18:54:00.000+08:00

i'm losing what i hold dear to.
i'm hurting from what i once tried to protect.
i'm making things happen from what i treasure.
i'm creating decisions from impulse.
i just want to cry.
thank you so much.

2007-09-23T20:36:00.000+08:00

i so feel like cycling right now...
haha...
i came into blogger earlier...
wanted to write something...
but donno what to write...
haha...
so lost my interest...
anyway...
dad went off to hongkong today...
so it's 2.5 weeks without daddy around...
i went to check out the prices of some of the hard disk...
not sure if it's cheap or not...
haha...
but currently i'm using my dad's hard disk...
and i just realise that my laptop has 11 gb left only...
but i dont think i should transfer the stuff to his hard disk...
coz...
it's like a shared hard disk...
haha...
totally not fair if i put my stuff inside...
and he carries my stuff to work right???
haha...
i'm not making sense here...
lol...
anyway...
i still have the urge of going cycling....
what to do???

2007-09-21T21:44:00.000+08:00

had my lessons today at trcc dance studio...
scenography...
big word...
basically we're talking about making the script come to life...
the module deals with sets, props, costumes, lighting, makeup and hair...
quite an interesting day...
haha...
the best thing is...
zul promise us no powerpoint...
and no classrooms...
yay...
meaning...
we'll change our learning location every week...
haha...
though class was fun and all...
i can say that today just isnt my day...
i nearly went into 3 accidents in the evening...
was cycling just now...
like finally...
it's been 1 month since i last rode my bike...
i'm putting on extra weight here...
haha...
anyway...
i was on my way to school to meet mj...
and i was cycling across the road during the green mine shinning...
and there's this cab driver turning without even noticing me...
thank goodness i break in time...
if not...
you wont see me here anymore...
the second one wasnt that bad...
you know how on the pedestrian you should stick to one side???
so that the people from opposite direction could walk or people in a ruch could just cut from the other side???
well...
so happen the guy was on the right...
so i wanted to cut on the left...
then he suddenly went left...
i was like omg...
and i break immediately...
thank goodness neither of us got hurt...
after that...
i reaches school...
and i still have not received a call from mj...
so i guess she wasnt done..
took that time to explore woodlands a little...
and the dumb thing was...
i got chased by a dog...
like what the hell...
thank goodness the owner called it back...
if not i'll be cycling for my life...
this is so not my day...
but oh well...
the day is almost over...
only 1.5 hours left...
i shall just go to lala land after my games...
haha...
night...

2007-09-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

i havent been blogging for days...
wonder what's wrong???
well...
coz i'm lazy...
HAHA...
yan yan celebrated his big 19 on the first day of school...
he had 'yummy' sandwiches from joyce...
a little desert from yours truly...
we dint get a cake for him...
so we just decided to bake him cake...
we bake him with flour and water...
couldnt find eggs though x))
and we added some decorations too...
whip cream...
easy baking recipe x))
had it at the car park...
lol...
had dinner at vivo marche...
made yan yan do quite a number of dares...
didnt really prank him anymore then...
bought a cake for him from secret recipe...
chocolate indulgence...
creamy cake...
we ate half...
let yan yan bring home the other half...
after that the west and north people cabbed home...
school was great...
haha...
but then again it's the first few days right???
haha...
so far...
in the 3 lessons...
we did what i wanted to do...
though most of them are theory based now...
but it's a start...
haha...

2007-09-15T13:02:00.000+08:00

depression
compression
attraction
distraction

working is hell
during your fight with depression
to you, nothing sells
when all you do is compression

the mind wonders
i agree, totally
i seem to ponder
but it's most likely a probably

let's just say
talking to me wasnt easy
and before i started, i pray
it would be busy

mood swings
people affected
money blings
i get distracted

okay that wasnt the best poem ever...
i think it sucks big time compared to the last one...
and the last one isnt even that great...
nevermind...
rasQ is playing with her toy...
she likes that carrot...
haha...
anyway...
sorry to people who i accidentally stepped on...
seriously sorry...
especially to pauline...

road to recovery aint easy
but i aint no slave to depression
the journey maybe messy
i aint gonna fall slave to some mere distraction
-a promise to zee-

2007-09-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

i had a poem coming through just now...
but i lost it...
distracted by memories of nobody...

life is full of decisions
decisions of consequences dark
it's like mini missions
that would bound to leave a mark

i guess i miscalculated
of the consequences and regret
thought the hurt is discounted
when i'm mentally prepared

a mistake is what i made
from the path on which i took
but now it is being paid
with my heart left on a hook

i thought i could live
with the answers i may received
but now i wish i could leave
because it's all self decieved

alone is not what i want now
i'm thinking of disappearing
though i'm asking myself how
when i should be conquering

i could feel me breaking down
when all i am is alone
but it is back to an undisturbed pond
if i could just hold on to my stone

i guess i just need some time
to get everything in order
but now that there are little mine
that makes me ponder

this may not be the perfect piece of art
but it is written and filled with emotion
however, now i wished on my part
that i could erase it all with some potion

2007-09-13T16:31:00.000+08:00

hmmm...
went east coast yesterday...
had lunch with jin yan norman mj at eunos...
then took a bus...
started our biking at 130...
we biked for 2 hours before meeting joyce at mac...
after that went to the beach awhile...
lame with mj...
haha...
we wrote lots and lots of stuff on the sand...
* hint hint*
lol...
anyway...
we left east coast to meet joshua for dinner at bedok around 420..
we order lots of dishes and we share share...
haha...
anywa...
after that went kbox since they wanted to sing...
so i just tag along...
haha...
pop by ny for awhile before heading home...
haha...
my butt still hurts from yesterday...
as for today...
i've been at home...
haha...
no one wanna ask me out...
plus i need to be around for dinner...
so basically i'm stuck at home watching tv...
using the net...
play with rasQ...
talk on the phone...
smsing...

perhaps i made a wrong mistake...
perhaps i did the wrong thing...
perhaps...

2007-09-12T02:56:00.000+08:00

hmm...
it's almost 3 in the morning now...
rasQ is all curled up on my lap trying to sleep...
since i'm not in bed...
and she wants to sleep beside someone...
i just got back from supper about 45 minutes ago...
haha...
i wanted to eat...
and my mouth was itchy...
so asked if cass wanted supper...
since we were the only ones taking the transport...
and we were both okay with eating...
went plaza 888 which was nearby...
i hope it rains soon...
if it rains now...
chances are it's bright and shiny tomorrow...
which is good...
then i can get the biking and tanning done tomorrow...
haha...
work was kinda dull today...
not really a crowded day since it's a tuesday...
but the company was great...
so all in all...
i would say that it's satisfactory...
i should be getting to bed soon...
if i wanna have enough rest before east coast later...
hmmm...
but i cant really get some sleep now...
oh well...
i'll just get myself to sleep...
haha...

cross junction again???
or just me who has to decide???

2007-09-11T15:32:00.000+08:00

it's a bright and sunny day today...
hope tomorrow is the same as well...
then we can seriously have fun cycling and baking under the sun...
i seriously wanna cycle...
and get a tan...
anyway...
i woke up at 2 today...
slept a total of 12 hours...
a big wow for me...
i'm not really a sleep till late kind of person...
anyway...
going to work later...
starting at 7...
but i'm kinda lazy...
haha...
oh well...
this is what you get for suddenly not working that much...
LOL...
anyway...
rasQ keeps on wanting to play...
haha...
i think i'll keep her company for awhile...
before i go off i guess...
bring her for a walk too...
i'll be back later...
if there are interesting things...

to love and lost...
is better then to not have loved at all...
letting go is part of them all...

2007-09-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

went out today to catch 2 movies...
or in my case...
1...
haha...
no reservations rocks...
this is as rare as you can get...
lol...
went to ny first to see cs' sister at work...
then headed to cineleisure to meet joyce...
went to catch no reservations and 1408...
after that saw su and pauline at cine foodcourt since i needed to withdraw...
went pastamania for dinner...
then jalan jalan a little before going for desert at coffee club paragon...
chats and laughs...
questions and answers...
took the train home rather early...
and now i wanna talk to people...
but no one wants to chat with me...
jia yan where are you when i need you!!!
i wanna talk to someone...
no one wanna talk to me...
i shall call you then...
i'm sure you'd talk to me...

2007-09-10T00:24:00.001+08:00

hmmm...
nothing to do now...
jin yan dont wanna entertain me...
LOL...
i just started reading a book...
i havent touch a book in a damn long time...
and i just found out i have more then one reader...
LOL...
hmmm...
what's up with all my lols???
anyway the book is damn nice...
chicken soup for the teenage soul 2...
i know it's been out there for so long...
but i'm not the type who would just pick up a book to read for no reasons...
but i'd definitely agree that the book is great...
different stories from the world under different categories...
it's definitely worth taking up to read...
cs' sis got a job at ny...
i'm gonna pop by to see her at work tomorrow...
woohoo...
lol...
no reservation here i come!!!

sometimes time is only the one with answers...
patience is the key...
if you want things your way...

2007-09-09T14:05:00.000+08:00

hmmm...
i'm staring at the photo of 'stitch'...
and aint he the best one i liked so far...
lol...
no offence to the others...
if they know who they are...
haha...
anyway...
that was just a random thought...
have quite a number of issues running through my head right now...
it's a wonder if i can even blog...
haha...
i'm also listening to some soothing music...
piano-ish ones...
not me playing though...
i cant play my music till i repair my i tunes...
friday was fun i guess...
haha...
i kinda push myself to my limits...
but it sure was fun...
and different in terms of view when you're tired...
really tired i mean...
haha...
but my entertainer on friday aka pauline left quite early...
haha...
so i was left there dying after 12...
lol...
oh well...
yesterday i was super high...
haha...
jade say must be because of the sandwich...
anyway...
jade left at 11!!!
pang seh me...
haha..
after that had quite s number of interesting conversations with su...
and i found out there are people who read my blog...
next time...
tag after reading!!!
haha...
happy happy happy...
oooo...
i just realise i have to bruises...
on my forearm...
though i'm not sure where they came from...
oh well...
su!!!
the conversation is still lingering in my mind!!!
and i have more things to ask!!!

have you wondered if you're playing...
or you're being played???

2007-09-06T15:39:00.000+08:00

oreta awai tsubasa
kimi wa sukoshi aosugiru
sora ni tsukareta dake sa
mou dareka no tame janakute
jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo
izen toshite shinobiyoru kodoku
uchigawa ni tomaru rousoku
nigiwau ba ni koukana
shandaria to wa urahara ni
tarinai kotoba no kubomi
wo nanide umetaraiin darou
mou wakaranai yo
semete yume no naka de
jiyuu ni oyogetara
anna sora mo iranai no ni
kinou made no koto wo
nuritsubusanakutemo
asu ni mukaeru no ni
oreta awai tsubasa
kimi wa sukoshi aosugiru
sora ni tsukareta dake sa
mou dareka no tame janakute
jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

ALONE-Aqua Timez
Your fragile, folded wings are just tired from the pure blue sky.
You don't have to force your smiles for anyone
It's okay to smile... for yourself.
That lonely feeling keeps creeping up on me
A single candle still burns inside
There shouldn't be an expensive chandelier in a wild place like this
Can I really bury it all with empty words?
I don't even know anymore...
As long as we can swim freely in our dreams
we won't need that sky anymore.
Even if you can't let go of the past
I'll still be there to meet you tomorrow
Your fragile, folded wings are just tired from the pure blue sky.
You don't have to force your smiles for anyone.
It's okay to smile... for yourself.

2007-09-06T02:48:00.000+08:00

went pulau tekong bmtc today...
went with norman joshua and mj...
a little different type of event from the past few days...
happy for the change...
especially if your day started out rotten...
had fun with them during the entire program, the before and after...
played games...
laughed my ass off...
time flew...
and worries forgotten...
till i reach back the island...
but forget about those...
it aint worth noting down...
since it only matters to me and not some people...
or vice versa...
and i'm too tired to bother...
rasQ is sleeping so peacefully on my pillow...
hard to imagine what a rotten day mine started out with...
sometimes i just wanna live my life...
but people have to put me down...
time and time again...
drop me lower and lower...
till i dont even bother to stand up anymore...
sometimes i just wish i could just disappear...
or maybe just go the next day...

2007-09-05T01:52:00.000+08:00

the sick one isnt that sick anymore today...
haha...
brought rasQ out to the vet this morning...
sterilization...
cabbed down...
she was so scared when she first reached the place...
but that's usual...
i have a cat for a dog...
haha
scaredy cat that is...
anyway...
she put on weight...
the last time i could remember...
she was only 2.8 kg...
now she's like 3.85 kg...
anyway...
left her there for her op after getting the okays for the vet...
pick up time was 3...
i had 4 hours to kill...
omg...
i walked from sunset way to clementi mrt...
haha...
ran through a few errands...
went to get my information updated at the bank...
changing my card...
and changing my thumbprint to signature...
wahahah...
i feel so grown up...
lol...
anyway...
mj came to accompany me...
thanks girl...
if it's not for you...
i would have died of boredom already...
she came before 1...
just in time...
i was almost done with my errands...
after that...
we checked out the area a little...
got some drinks and munchies...
before we decided...
it's way too bored here...
let's walk back to sunset way...
lol...
it was about time for us to go fetch rasQ anyway...
after that we cabbed to orchard...
haha...
with rasQ...
but she couldnt walk...
she was all drowsy for the op and drugs...
she kept on looking at us with those teary puppy eyes...
so cute...
kept on trying not to fall asleep...
now she's sleeping already...
i think i better switch off soon...
i shall accompany her in the living room tonight...